I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize