worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
