Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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