Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
