dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
