my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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