That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize