i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
