he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
