Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
