so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
