I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
