I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
