they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
