Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
