I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
