How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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