So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
