he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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