why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
