I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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