Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
