Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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