I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
