I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize