At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
