Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
