I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
