I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
