Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
