cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
