The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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