Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
