that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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