he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
