: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
