According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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