think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
