I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
