listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
