i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
