By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
