I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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