I'm drive I can fine osifer
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
