maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
