I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize