You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well you can't waste a boner
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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