we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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