I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
