i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize