I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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