i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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