hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
