They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
