She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize