his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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