we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
