she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
