i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He better not be in your backpack
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize