Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
