so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
